Bunionectomies and other indignities of middle age

When even the "roomy, square-toed" clogs become too tight, it's time to bow to the inevitable and go under the knife. First, though, came the custom orthotics (which, even though medically necessary to prevent further damage to feet and knees, are not covered by insurance) and three weeks of night splints

("Yes, I am Iron Man") on both feet to stretch tight calves, achilles' tendons, and arches. Then a pre-op clearance from my primary care -- EKG, blood work, etc. Finally, last Friday morning I was picked up at 6:00 by my friend and colleague, Boryung Ju, and taken to the Lake Surgical Center for surgery at 7:30. Forms were filled out and I was taken back to the prep room, given a gown to change into, and tucked into bed. There was a brief moment on panic when I revealed that I had drunk a glass of water a few hours earlier. Yes, they had told me not to drink anything after midnight, and no, I don't really have any excuse, except to say that I confused those instructions with the ones given the week before which were "nothing except water after midnight." The anaesthetist finally decided that I wouldn't vomit and choke to death, and we went ahead. The IV was inserted in the back of my hand, Dr. Le made a brief visit in his surgical scrubs to explain the procedure again and give post-op instructions (which I do remember, despite the anaesthetist saying that her magic medicine would erase my short-term memory), I was wheeled into the operating room, shifted to the operating table, felt something cold and wet, and . . .

I was telling Dr. Le that I would not accept his late paper. Struggling to wake up and stay awake. Opened my eyes long enough to see Mike's face hovering over me, Boryung behind him. It was something like 9:30. Dr. Le must have this down to both an art and a science.

I sat up, and discovered that someone had mummified my leg while I was asleep

Wiggled my way into my clothes, slid into the wheelchair, wheeled out to Boryung's car, arrived home, hobbled my way to the bed, and back to sleep. The entire weekend is a blur of sleeping, waking to take meds, and food brought on trays.

The medications -- naproxen twice a day, a codeine prescription as needed -- made the pain almost bearable, once the local anesthetic wore off, but my poor husband was sent back and forth for ice frequently. For those who are interested,  it felt as if someone had tied a rubber band across the base of my toes and was tightening it steadily. It also felt as if there were something thin and sharp between my big toe and the next toe, that was cutting into my foot. And my foot was hot -- both from the swelling and from the bandage.

Mike was off through Monday, so it wasn't until Tuesday that I had to try to manage for myself. Mike left a bowl of cereal and a small jug of milk for me on the kitchen table, and left my lunch in the bedroom on the bookcase, so I managed.

However, feeding the cats dinner was another issue. I had to emulate Ma Kettle by kneeling my left leg on a chair and clunking around the kitchen -- but feed them I did.

Personal hygiene consisted of wipe-downs with antibacterial wipes -- actually most effective, if done daily -- and a change of clothes. I quickly discovered that elastic-waisted shorts were the most practical, so my gym clothes were pressed into service, as were my sports bras. No one tells you that the underwires in your bra will catch on the padded cover on your crutches and threaten to send you over.

I now understand the purpose of grab bars in the bathroom, and will be having our retrofitted as soon as we can get the money together. And next time, I want a walker, if only for something to hold onto while I try to stand up using only one foot.

Despite Mike's protests, I insisted on getting up every day and sitting in the recliner in the living room, laptop on my lap, tray table at my side. I refused to act like an invalid. Just getting down the hall and onto the couch using the crutches left me breathless and puffing, but I was not giving in. 

By Wednesday, my hair was beyond filthy, so I knelt on a chair in front of the kitchen sink (are you sensing a theme here? Chairs are useful things) while Mike used the kitchen sprayer to help me wash it. I had already sent an order in to Amazon for a shower seat, a hand-held shower and some cast covers, but could not wait another day, as LaToya was bringing some forms for me to sign later that day and I do have an image to maintain.

Got an e-mail that morning that some packages had arrived at the office from Amazon -- what??? I had specifically selected my home address. It turns out that, if you have 1-click ordering turned on (I do not remember doing that, but possibly), then regardless of which address you select, anything coming from the marketplace goes to your 1-click address. It was too late to catch LaToya, but Tao was willing to bring them over on his way home from work.

So, Thursday I finally had a shower for the first time in 6 days -- sat on the bench, leaned forward to turn on the water -- a white paw pushed the shower curtain aside, and a big, furry black and white thing darted under my legs and the bench, and between the shower curtain liner and the side of the tub.

After I stopped laughing, I called Mike to come and get Miller out of the tub. It took some doing.

Our neighbor came over later in the day and installed the hand-held shower, which makes it all even easier. Not only can I do my back without standing up and turning around, I can turn the water off at the shower head.

I also ordered a knee-walker and a bicycle basket for it on Wednesday which arrived on Friday.

 After reading the instructions carefully, I promptly proceeded to crash my new bike. It was entirely my fault -- I had set the brakes, put some things in the basket, then pushed off, without releasing the brakes. I fell on my left side, bruising and scraping my right shin (also right shoulder and right forearm, which I did not discover for several days). I called the doctor's office, but the nurse did not seem terribly worried. I wasn't in much pain, particularly, so she suggested that I wait and go to Urgent Care later, if necessary.

At 10:00 that night, the codeine was not working, a demon was tightening a red-hot iron band around the base of my big toe, and I was getting more and more worried, so I sent Mike over to the neighbor's. He drove us to Urgent Care, where they x-rayed my foot and pronounced it undamaged. The doctor did cut the gauze away from my toes, to see if they were turning purple -- they were not, but oh the relief to get some air to them! -- and gave me a stronger codeine prescription. I can say now that the bandages are off that I had bruised that foot in several places, which was causing the pain.

So, yes, I recommend the knee walker -- and I second the instructions to be aware and go slowly.

I spent the second week in bed, getting up only in the evening for dinner and a bit of television. Oh, I showered and dressed, and sat on top of the bed, but on the bed I stayed. And, you know what? It really makes a difference. My foot is propped on a couple of pillows, but my knee has the support it needs. I'm not exhausting myself going back and forth every hour or so; I have the laptop on the breakfast tray, not resting on my lap. In other words, my husband was right.

So, last Friday, the bandages came off and I was given a walking boot. My foot is not nearly as swollen as I expected -- or as it felt! The "band" around my big toe is actually . . . skin. The screws are in place and everything is healing as expected.

You can see the famous chair -- and the bruises on my right leg. The blue wrapping was temporary, but I do have it in an ace bandage most of the time.

I still spend most of my Day on the bed, with my feet elevated, because it's just plain more comfortable. Mike picked up a couple of different types of ice bags, and one or the other is usually on my foot. I've only take codeine a couple of nights in the past week, and never in the day -- the ice is all that's needed.

I had to learn to balance myself again -- I actually needed the crutches to walk out of the doctor's office in the boot! And I admit to being scared at first to put any weight at all on that foot.  More on life in a boot next.